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Darlene in the City
by Darlene Ford
(L.A. is always the same; only the names have been changed...)
Do we as women want the blue-collar, knows-what-to-do-under-the-hood guy OR the suited-up, lawyer-with-a-briefcase type? I must confess that it is difficult to decide between the two. Over the past year, I made point of dating from both categories. (All in the name of Science ;-) The Results? Too close to call. On the one hand, I can kind of get into The Metrosexual, with his well-trimmed, buffed nails (I draw the line at nail polish, though, even if it's clear!). A man who suggests going to the theAHtah, because he actually likes to go. On the other hand, I grew up around men who knew how to DO things, like paint, fix cars, remodel homes. A fancy man is usually only good for writing checks to ANOTHER man who can do these handy things.
There are situations where a 'gentleman' is absolutely useless, like in Politics. Reel Life Example: Gone With The Wind, Rhett Butler vs. Ashley Wilkes. Both were men of privilege, both experienced the same war, both wanted the same prize, but Ashley was so refined that he was 100% 'gentle' and 0% 'man'. But Rhett, still had some bare-knuckle Boxer left in, and he knew to be as tough as Circumstance dictated and only as genteel as a situation allowed. That's why Rhett emerged richer and more prominent before, while Ashley was in full retreat, working (half-working, really) like a fieldhand for a woman (hiding behind her skirts, actually) cuz he didn't know how to make it in a world with New-to-No Rules. Real Life Example: Bush vs. Kerry. [Heavy sigh] Both were men of privilege, etc.... but Bush did not have all the fight bred out of him. (The Republican Party is all Boxer, these days. No, pitbull!) Gentle Kerry couldn't wait ONE DAY before he conceded. (ONE DAY! He rolled over quicker than Gore, who is about as 'Ashley' as they get.) The Democrats are going to have to produce someone who doesn't fight like 'we're all gentleman, here', or this party is over. Sending a french poodle to face a pitbull? When what ya need is a Junkyard Dog?!? It's just too too cruel.
Ah, but I digress...ah yes, Boxers or Briefs? While there are certain style differences, basically what I found was that, with dating either type, the joys and the oys were the same. Alas, in terms of finding the man I want, I suppose my 'experiment' wasn't the greatest success, since I'm still unattached. However, even though I didn't figure out what/who I wanted specifically, all was not in vain. Experience is the best teacher, and I learned a LOT. (But don't worry, I'll keep it brief.)
So quick to pass the check, he leaves skidmarks on the tablecloth. Though hungry, will turn down a nibble off a rib, for fear he might be asked to chip in .50 cents, but what a hearty appetite when he knows someone else is paying.
He's all 'prince' UNTIL you've kissed him.
Some guy who's always trying to get his nut on.
He repeats the same pattern to the point that his common touch is, just that: Common. His love 'crimes' all follow the same M.O. ...only the women change; he never will. Warning: This one is sooo expert that he is the hardest to resist. So, beyond "no glove, no love", make sure you tell HIM to "double-bag that, sir".
This past year, I managed to date an example of All Of The Above. (Amazingly, one guy was a 3-out-of-4 composite. Yikes!) But, on the bright side, I discovered what is non-negotiable for me, in a serious relationship:
Appreciation; Attention; Affection. (Imagine, eliminate just any of A's and whichever one or two are left will only annoy the Hell out of you!)
Last Friday I was privileged to hear Miles Long, the band founded and led by Malcolm-Jamal Warner -- yes, that one -- played to a standing-room-only, packed house at Cabrini's, a coffeehouse on La Brea & Third Street. Miles Long is a concept band which, according to MJW is a "combination of various forms of urban music (jazz, funk, R&B, hip-hop, soul, and spoken word)", while going beyond that towards "jazz philosophy-freestyling, or improvising, within the confines of set variables." MJW (who sings, writes, and plays a mean bass guitar) said, "The mission of Miles Long is "to create good, but meaningful music... filled with honesty, passion, and intelligence that can still make our heads bob.... music is for people like myself who grew up on hip-hop, but find that it no longer speaks to us like it used to." Miles Long is not a limited to its five core band members, but is a collective. Every performance includes various and varying artists/musicians, creating a kaleidoscope of visions...each fresh, each unique. Lyrics I had heard before as spoken-word ("Project Image"), were this time hung against a canopy of sound, adding yet another layer to their meaning.
Miles Long is playing this Sunday, November 7th, at the Temple Bar in Santa Monica (1026 Wilshire; 310-393-6611). The performances begin at 9:00 (however, the doors open at 8 pm and, as this is a smallish venue, I recommend getting there sooner rather than later). The opening act is Ja Ja Productions, which combines hip-hop and tap. (One of the members, Jason Samuels-Smith was a protégé of Savion Glover). Malcolm-Jamal Warner is a member of this band too, though not as the front man ("I get to lay in the cut and play bass."). Come out to savor this experience. I can't wait!
(The rest of my Octoberfess-up will be in the next column [also to include"Living large on a small budget" and the Blackweekly.com's Libra-Scorpio birthday bashes.)
DRUNKISMS (Looking at Life through Martini Glasses): Overheard, between sips and slips:
"I'm ready to drink -- I haven't eaten all day!" Joynelle, Bungalow Club, August 2004.
"That's about as unbeWEAVEable as my hair!" Sienna, Napa Valley Grille, September 2004.
"You know how some people are just a bad influence on you? - "You mean like James?" - "No...you, bitch!" Portia & Belinda, @Pico/Hauser, August 2004.
Where are the Black Firemen's Balls?!?" (Again, with that terrible subconcious.) Darlene, Maple Drive, August 2004.
(That's right, I got an opinion on everything!)
Ray: Jamie Foxx IS Ray Charles, a man whose passions were born of his music, and his music from his passions -- and the destructive lengths to which he satisfied them --seamlessly weaving the business of living and loving into his creative process. (I see "Oscar". And since little white kids seem to get nominated for BURPING on-cue, let’s hear it for the boy who plays Little Ray!)
Sisters of the Screen: African Women In The Cinema: Interviews and clips of women filmmakers from the African Diaspora. Seeing the determined African woman facing down governments, dodging bullets, and still making movies (with a baby strapped to her back!) inspires me to avail myself a LOT more of my personal freedoms. (Yep, right after my nails dry.) Reel Women / Women Make Movies, www.wmm.com.
Bridget Jones, The Edge Of Reason: Bridget is my SHEro. Renee Zellweger delights in this movie which celebrates all the women who are NOT a size zero (and the men who LOVE them).
As always...see you in the City!
Archived Articles
Of Wine, Men and Song
L.A.nd of the Free?
Digital Schmooze on A Bunny Trail
Boxers or Briefs? In Praise of Both
GILT BY ASSOCIATION: Living My Life Like It's Golden!
About Darlene Ford
Darlene Ford is an award-winning Film Producer, Writer, Music Aficionado, World Traveler, and Gourmet.
The daughter of two party animals, some of my favorite memories of growing up in Detroit were of my Big Mama's Basement Parties. At least one Saturday night per month, people would flock to her pay-parties, where they could buy a home-cooked meal & drinks then ante up at the card & dominos tables. In the back room there was hi-fi music and/or a live band with dancing. (At one such party, my father wooed and won my mother.)
I always crouched down on a step peering in at the revelries -- of, often as not, sneaking all the way to the back room - then Big Mama would catch sight of me and send me off to bed. Of course, this only made me hungry to see more.
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