Darlene in the City
by Darlene Ford

L.A.nd of the Free?
(As always...the names have been changed to protect the not-so-innocent.)

Let's speak frankly on why some restaurants/bars/clubs close their minds (and sometimes their doors) to African-American consumers. It's not always about racism. Not about "free at last", but about freeloading. Sometimes it's just about, well, us. The management of several of our event venues have complained (and even declined further business dealings) because many of our customers have been undertipping their waitstaff. The fact, is the world looks at one Black person and sees double, triple, one-hundred-fold. Therefore, as a Representative of the United States of African-American (USA2), when you shortchange your server, you are making ALL of us look bad. The fallout of which is that Blacks who follow after your misdeed are at risk for lowered service and, in essence, 'pay' for a crime they didn't commit (yet). Undertipping is also a passive-aggressive form of freeloading off anyone dining with you, since this is so embarassing that others make up YOUR share of the tip, so that THEY don't look cheap.

Servers are paid an hourly wage, factoring in tips to make it a living wage. So, the IRS assumes that, and TAXES as if, all waitstaff are tipped at least 10%. If you haven't tipped at least that - or, at all - it is actually costing them to wait on you. (Just because our forefathers were forced to work for free, this is no excuse for making 'slaves' of others. If the service was actually bad, then take that up with management.) Beware: If YOUR DATE is shortchanging the waitstaff, he/she lacks Generosity of the Spirit and will, inevitably, find all sorts of ways to shortchange you. The Lesson: Only order what you can bear to pay, including appropriate tip. (Next column: Living large on a small budget.)

SUMMER WRAP-UP

It's hard to believe that Summer is over. Hope yours was sun-filled & the fun free-flowing. Mine was so bursting with activity, it's just not possible to include everything. Summer Bests:

Best Brunch: Shanghai Red's, one of the Last of the Big Buffets. Wear something expandable.

Best Fries: Gorgonzola Potates at Palomino. Order extra blue cheese on the side. Runner-up: Mi Piace Patate Fritte. Skip the spicy ketchup and double-up on the honey Dijon mustard.

Best Appetizer: A 3-way Tie between the oysters in walnut-cream sauce, grilled shrimp cocktail (both at Nic's) and Bangkok Hummus (Bungalow Club).

Best Drink: A 3-way Tie between the Key Lime martini, classic mojito (both at Bungalow Club), and the Stockholm 66 martini (Mi Piace). Honorable Mention: the Gran Luxe Margarita (when size matters).

Best Happy Hour: The Social Hour at Bungalow Club, one of the rare L.A. spots offering a Happy Hour seven days per week. Great hummus and mojitos and martinis to die for.

Best Performance Art: "Speak Out For Diversity", presented by NBC and Flypoet Entertainment. A multi-cultural showcase for the spoken word, highlights included poetry by Bridget Gray - aptly named - whose "Shades of Gray" takes her multiracial heritage beyond the color line, and actor Malcolm-Jamal Warner with "Project Image", his diatribe against Hip Hop sell-outs. (Asked how he became interested in poetry, he told me "From the time, I was ten years old, I knew I wanted to be three things: an actor, an artist, and a professional basketball player." I replied, "Hey, 2 out of 3 ain't bad."

Best Advertising: The "Save Your Quarters" stickers posted under westside parking meter slots, heralding the opening of EZ Laundry Internet Cafe. So intrigued, I went there even though my building has a laundry room.

Best Buy: My Toyota Echo ("Silverado". Guess what color he is?) It was love at first sight. Unsolved Mystery: The Case of The Missing Hubcap. Sadly, Silverado is already missing one 'shoe'. Due to chance (it fell off) or by design (theft)? At first, my mom insisted at that a thief would have taken all four. (But, my point was, what if the thief only required one? A case of being needy, but not greedy?) She declared this would be as unusual as someone stealing one shoe; but allowed, on second thought, that if the thief only had one foot...

Best Party: The birthday party for my friend, La Doctoressa, at Shanghai Red's, where 70 of her nearest & dearest were treated to a champagne brunch and a moving tribute to her fablousness. A fortunate few (moi, included) went back to her condo, then the REAL party began. Her friend Suavé made several pitchers of his (in)famous caipirinias (simply, a mojito without the mint, yet infinitely more complex) then apple martinis. Suffice to say I now have a new theory on why people report UFO sightings...

Best of the Bad Boyz of Summer: The One That Got Away. (You're sooooo vain - so VAIN - I bet you think this song is about you - don't you, don't you, don't you?)

Best Summer's Day: One splendid Sunday at the W hotel where I spent 12+ hours idling with friends over mimosas at brunch, followed by champagne in a poolside cabana, then mojitos in 'bed' at the newly remodeled bar. At times, blurring the line between idling and napping. Factor in the entire week and I probably spent close to 24 hours at the W, hanging out with a multitude of beautiful Black people (transforming the W into the WB).

SNAPSHOTS:
(That's right, I have an opinion on everything)

Soul Stories: A trio of shorts directed by and starring cast members of Soul Food. Explores the nature and cost of War: Against nations, between the sexes, and within ourselves. (www.blackfilm.com & BMW Film Series)

Love Sex and Eating The Bones: Will a man addicted to porn and, er, 'self-service' choose the real-life or the reel-life girl? Can a woman compete with 'Hannah' and her sisters? (Think hand + fingers – oh, never mind!) (www.blackcinemacafe.com)

Collateral: Mr. Tom's Wild Ride. Tom "The Tominator" Cruise ("Vincent") and Jamie Foxx ("Matt") play two men trapped by Life, Chance, each other, and in the self-built prison of perfectionishm. For one it's about killing Time and going nowhere fast; for the other it's about Killing Time and nowhere else to go (except Hell). The warped instabonding between the characters is believable. And it was a refreshing change to see The Black Man play 'Knight in Shining Armor' to a Black Woman (Jada Pinkett Smith).

Vanity Fair: Starring the incandescent Reese Witherspoon as "Becky Sharp". The movie glosses over the novel's seamier side-trips along her journey, but still might offend some feminist sensibilities. Overall, the film makers did a decent job of compressing the Bible-thick novel into @2 hours.

Hero: Jet Li stars in this Chinese film (with English subtitles; stylized violence, along the same vein as "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon") which lyrically reveals a story from 3 perspectives: A cat and mouse game, where at any moment a given character can be cat, mouse or both. A fascinating study on the fluidity of Courage, Sacrifice, Evil and Redemption, and how all are tempered to create nation.

The Manchurian Candidate: Career soldier, Colin Powell tries to convince The Man Who Would Be President, George W. Bush that there is a chip in his head which causes him to kill without thought and regularly shorts out his mental circuitry. Powell warns Bush that he is a mere puppet placed, in power as part of a Right-Wing conspiracy (pssst...his own mother is in on it). Our Man Powell is set up to take the fall, then - Hey, wait a minute, I'm confusing this with Real Life! Sorry...the movie version stars Denzel Washington.

RECOMMENDED

Bungalow Club: 7174 Melrose Ave, Los Angeles, 323-964-9494
EZ Laundry Internet Café: 6150 Washington Blvd., Culver City 310-559-EASY
Fly Poet Entertainment: Flypoet@flypoet.com, 310-559-1670
Gran Luxe: 121 N LA Cienega Blvd, Los Angeles, 310-855-1122
Mi Piace: 25 E Colorado Blvd, Pasadena, 626-795-3131
Nic's: 453 North Canon Drive, Beverly Hills, 310-550-5707
Palomino: 10877 Wilshire Blvd, Los Angeles, 310-208-1960
Shanghai Red's: 13813 Fiji Way, Marina del Rey, 310-823-4524
W Hotel: 930 Hilgard Avenue, Los Angeles, 310-208-8765

...Until next time, see you in the City.

Archived Articles
Of Wine, Men and Song
L.A.nd of the Free?
Digital Schmooze on A Bunny Trail
Boxers or Briefs? In Praise of Both
GILT BY ASSOCIATION: Living My Life Like It's Golden!

About Darlene Ford

Darlene Ford is an award-winning Film Producer, Writer, Music Aficionado, World Traveler, and Gourmet.

The daughter of two party animals, some of my favorite memories of growing up in Detroit were of my Big Mama's Basement Parties. At least one Saturday night per month, people would flock to her pay-parties, where they could buy a home-cooked meal & drinks then ante up at the card & dominos tables. In the back room there was hi-fi music and/or a live band with dancing. (At one such party, my father wooed and won my mother.)

I always crouched down on a step peering in at the revelries -- of, often as not, sneaking all the way to the back room - then Big Mama would catch sight of me and send me off to bed. Of course, this only made me hungry to see more.